Friday, January 30, 2015

The End For Now

It lasted exactly 1 year, 7 months and 19 days. And in retrospect, it should have only lasted about 1 year and 1-3 months. I knew I had reached my learning potential, that I had gleaned as much as I was going to with that job. It was my first "big girl" job, meant only to be a stepping stone to a brighter future and more awesome career path. But I was stubborn-in my comfort zone, and unwilling to listen to my gut and unable to let go of what I had worked so hard to see through. But retrospect doesn't pay the bills, and certainly doesn't provide for my family. And yet I sit here, watching my child play in the bath tub, and struggle with a range of emotions, from anger that there was no forewarning, to sadness that I was robbed of seeing through what I knew would work because the company was driven by instant gratification and didn't understand the "long term goals" of marketing, or social media marketing. I'm disgusted by men who could be my father or even grandfather in age, who treated me as a second rate human and continually disregarded my ideas as silly or stupid, but still laid blame on me when I wasn't giving them the monetary results they somehow foolishly expected when they were told by numerous people that it would take no less than a year to start seeing the results.

My musings stopped rather abruptly last year, when I started to see the truth of where I was working, and the people I was working for. I wasn't in IT. I was in sales. And I couldn't fully stand behind a company I had lost faith and respect and trust in.

I don't know who will read this, if anyone will. But I do know that I couldn't just leave this blog or my social media work vacant, absent without explanation. I discovered confidence in myself and capabilities with this job; for that, I will always be grateful for the opportunity that I was given with my former employer. I find myself ready to move on, find new things, be amazing if I can. "The time has come," the Walrus said, "To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings."

No comments:

Post a Comment